From the mouths of babes (repost from Vietnam blog 2011)
I have an amazingly fantastic son, he is blimmin’ intelligent (but can lack common sense sometimes), compassionate, funny, handsome, driven and full of his own very strong values. I am immensely proud of him and know that he will acheive great things in his life and this fine young man sat me down and gave me a ‘talk’.
I had been having a bit of a crappy day and was a bit tearful. I was feeling down and had a bit of a cry and said to Liam “sometimes I just don’t feel good about myself at all, shock horror your mum is ‘human” – followed by more tears as I couldn’t keep my ‘brave’ mum face on. I threw myself on the couch in a self pitying heap and lay in the sun. He turned away from the computer (this is a minor miracle in itself) and starting talking…..
I can’t remember how our discussion started, but I think it was me asking for a hug (which I got), my baby is now taller than me and his hugs are just so great! I sat down…
He asked me where I was going with my life, what I wanted to achieve, what I was doing about it and what I wanted to look back on. He pushed this on me. I could see that this was something that he really felt strongly about. He would not let up and kept at me. I thought I had this all sorted in my head, but that was the only place it resided, in my head. He said “mum, you’ve got this…just do it!!! I needed to take some action and I guess that is what Liam was wanting me to do too – to make a commitment to my goals/dreams. I will always remember this day, it was profound…he is profound. Not a big talker like me, but when he does talk, it holds its weight….my young man, his own great person.
He basically gave me permission. Not that I needed it, but I guess maybe in a way he sees that I just work in a beige job in a beige office to get money to pay the mortgage etc. This has all been for him. I started this job to work around Liam, to make sure I was around to cook dinners, not rushing home in a fit of stress and to have the ability to start work early in the morning, to get home sooner. This is a ‘beige’ job, sometimes even mousy poo brown job and is just that, a ‘job’. I think he was telling me that I need to create more in my life, and he is right.
I had created a bit of income from my photos and this has been great as it also helps my technique and creativity but i needed something bigger.
Liam gave me the kick up the arse that I needed. I had always thought about going overseas to help but never acted on it. The day after his talk, with sweaty palms and double checking all dates – I booked and paid for my tickets. I was off to VIETNAM! (for the first time EVER!!!)
This was all within me, i just needed someone to listen and tell me to get cracking.